Oh BOMBAY !!

It was 15^th June 2011 when I had stepped in this city…this city which people very conveniently calls “The city of dreams”, as if all other cities are “city of disaster”…Like if someone is migrating to any other city then definitely there must be some dream..be it a dream of an old man to get cured of his deadly disease, be it a dream of young man to earn the livelihood for his ailing family, be it dream of a girl to make big in the glamour world….A dream is nothing but a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal. I started my journey with a dream too…dream to be a better human being…an independent person capable of making her life decent enough so that she can get over her dad’s endless taunts!! I have never been too optimistic in life so I began my journey with a null hypothesis, hoping to prove it wrong.

The very next day of my entering into the city, my parents left for Jaipur and I was all alone…for the very first time in 21 years and gosh it was damn too scary, haunting and made me way too restless. I had never imagined I would feel so empty and weak….this is what this city did to me. Damn this city!!

I didn’t realize when those 2 years of MBA got over. Those 2 years which were an amalgamation of late night assignments, late night parties, early morning classes, early morning trips to marine drive and all the beaches , placement pressure, class bunks, mass bunks, overdose of various emotions …just too much of everything….these 2 years were loaded, completely loaded and it completely changed me…..for good and for bad. BOTH. For good, because I learnt to take care of myself..I guess I took care of everything pretty well and became something which was never expected from me at least. The word is RESPONSIBLE! From a total spendthrift to an economical person….I was changed and I liked this change. From a girl who took everything on heart to a girl who learnt to give in and let go….coz letting go was important else she would have broken completely..not that she was not. I did understand one thing very clearly on the very last day of MBA……I will meet good , bad, wonderful, super amazing people who will give me wonderfully awesome and disgustingly bad memories..but, one day they will all depart and my life will still go on, still move at the same pace or may be at a faster pace…I will never  get to see some faces ever..and so I should learn to accept goodbyes and value the last times because most of us think we have forever with us but no, that’s not the case…we think we have time!! 

Several mocks happened as it was the placement season and I performed miserably in some and even more pathetic in rest….I needed a decent job is all I knew. I felt competitive beyond limits..I saw people change overnight …just to get employed..i guess it was not just..I too was running behind a white collared job. Mornings comprised of several plans..plan to study, study and study more. I felt I too could not be left unaffected of this city’s madness…insanity to carve a niche for oneself….I wanted to leave  this city but wait..I didn’t want to leave this city…It had taken too much from me in these 2 years and it was time to get repaid!! It was November 6^th 2012, 11PM….my hands were all shaky as I signed my offer letter. Funny was the fact that I had sent a sms to all the near and dear ones even before my interview that I got in….coz I had to get in. This chapter closed too….and with a semi-govt job in hand I came home..all relaxed …this had to happen this ways..this had to close smoothly.

It was june 23^rd 2013, I returned to Mumbai for my second stint. This time the scene was all so different. We were corporates and we were expected to behave like one. So, calling a friend at 3 AM just to grab idli and boost was totally out of question…9 AM’s were now more important than 3 AM’s. Who the hell let us ADULT…we cant ADULT!! Phone calls reduced, random meeting plans changed into scheduled appointments, shopping now meant waiting for the salary day, ONLYs and MODAs filled the closet…things changed and who was I to even resist the change…my lifestyle started to change…how should I explain how it changed…like now, stress could be relieved by watching a movie, or may be going to the nearest mall to pick a top, or if it’s the odd hr of the day that made me feel all blue, then I had ebays and flipkarts. How funny life had become now…what I could solve over a long chat with a dear friend could now be solved by spending green paper. Sadly, I had no control over these changes. There I was trying to bring my professional life on track, here things on personal front went for a toss…..I struggled to manage it too…for long…for months…for just too long…I just couldn’t!! Letting go seemed a wise decision then and till date ...I don’t regret a thing…..saddest part, I moved on being in it.

All I had was office friends, office work, good roommates, a few decent hobbies and most importantly, most amazing set of parents who supported me through all the rough time. I just focused on good and tried to make things workout somehow….bdw, in no way am I trying to portray myself as a bechari abla naari who should be sympathized upon…everyone has their share of troubles and issues. Well, I am just sharing mine !! Anyway,  Indonesia happened…finally and thankfully….something good happened a…it was June 14^th when I had boarded my first international flight (Singapore Airlines A-380). Finally, I took a sigh of relief, not that I was too excited but yeah, atleast something was moving and people thought it was the most vibrantly positive thing that could happen in my life then. I lived, experienced, learned and rejoiced my stay for 1 full month……it was  a TCS paid vacation!!

August 13^th, I returned back and when I look back in time now….I guess, I have not had one single day since then that I have not faced any issue….homesickness, issues with roommates, lifeless personal life turning into rootless one…basically no scope to even nourish it. Time is just playing with me..from every possible direction and I am just too tired now…I am too tired to get up every single day to face new challenges…I am too tired to convince myself that this is just a phase and this too shall pass. I am facing the most dull, colorless, noiseless, friendless, xyz-less phase of my life and I am all too tired with everything. What should I attribute all these changes to? Mumbai? Myself? Time? Destiny? What? The more I run towards making this life stable, the more unstable it gets. I guess all these things led me to become a little too casual and ignorant about things in life…I no longer have the energy to fight with people or situations….things will take time to setlle but eventually they will settle and till then I will have to wait….patiently, in this city which everyone calls as Mumbai and I call as BOMBAY…my Bombay.